Thursday, March 05, 2009

Nightmare

Today was a stressful day. Not so unlike the day I recorded last month.

I was juggling too many things on my plate, searching library archives online, planning a retreat, returning calls, delivering old bras for a humanitarian project (I know?!), communicating about the change of time for the BBQ, deciding which of 7 events scheduled today we were actually going to attend, helping my sister through a health crisis, answering calls from Mark's work, reading to the kids, going to Costco, perparing for company coming into town Saturday, returning emails, Cub Scout drama, talking to Hemophilia Association folks about advocacy, reviews, and tonight's conference call, and taking Jaxon and his friend Ethan to soccer practice.

Which is actually where the nightmare begins.

Danielle and I switched Ethan for Asher and she took my food to the BBQ early while I took Finn and the kindergartners to soccer practice.

While watching the kids play, I got acquainted with the coach's wife, Wendy, with whom it turns out, I graduated from high school. We chatted about our kids and I occassionally chased Finn off the soccer field.

When it was time to go, I hurried because I parked in the way of some other cars and we were late for the BBQ (and I was thinking of half of the things on my list above). I hurried and folded up my blanket, grabbed two water bottles, both sets of soccer pictures (Jaxon is making a goofy face) and marched up the hill with my arms full and two soccer players behind me.

As we pulled out, I looked back urgently and when I saw that the boys were buckled in the back seat, I breathed a sigh of relief and headed 2.5 miles away to the park where we were having dinner.

Mark and I pulled in the parking lot at the same time. I turned around to hand Ethan his photos while the boys climbed out and saw

Finn's empty carseat.

I went into shock. I ordered the boys out quickly and told Mark that I left Finn at the soccer field.

It was the longest 5 minute drive of my life. I ran a red light at the very end just to see my baby a minute sooner.

Luckily, a few of the families were still there, just as I'd left them nearly 10 minutes earlier. They were chatting and helped Finn come my direction when I pulled up. Obviously, they were waiting for me to figure out what I had done and come claim my son. One father was really nice, "Don't feel bad, my wife's done this before. We've all been there."

My feelings of shame, desperation, embarrassment, and gratitude were overpowering and I choked back tears as I held my baby closer and with more tenderness than I have in a while.

As I buckled my happy little guy into his carseat, he started to fuss. He was hungry and wanted to be back toddling around in the grass, not confined to the car. It amused me that he was less happy now that I had him safely back in my car. I was infinitely more happy.

The lesson of the day?

Something's gotta give.

If I have so much on my plate that I can forget my own CHILD then I am overbooked, overscheduled, overcommitted, oversomething.

So, simplicity is where it's at for me.

Paring down.

Cutting back.

For me, my sanity, and my family.

Geez, it's been a long day.

7 comments:

DaNelle said...

Oh Gosh, I'm about to cry. I can imagine that feeling in your stomach when you realized he wasn't with you! AH!

Thayer said...

Scary, Jess, glad it turned out ok. I left Nate (when he was only a few months old) in his carseat at Gabe's school but chalked it up to sleep deprivation instead of being too busy.

Jessica Steed said...

WhoWhatWhen
(do I know you?)
Thanks for the comment. Yes, the feeling was a little surreal. I hope I never get it again.

Thayer,
I'd always imagined that if I left a child somewhere it would be when he was asleep in his carseat. Since Finn is 16 months old, I assumed I was past that stage. I guess not.

EmilyCC said...

Should I worry that I'm involved in your bad days?

As someone who has recently simplified, I highly recommend it!

Mandy said...

Oh my gosh . . . I CAN'T IMAGINE! That is my worst nightmare! (and I am sure yours too!) It does happen though!

I remember I was left at church once . . . but that had to do more with the fact that there were so many kids! I wandered the halls aimlessly until someone came back for me! (now I quickly take notice if a child at church looks lost try to help them . . . I feel for them!!)

Glad everything was o.k. Oh, was the coach's wife Wendy Lee? Just curious! That's the only Wendy I remember off the top of my head! :)

You sure are busy! I agree, if you are that stressed, something does need to give! Good luck on finding the perfect balance!

Jessica Steed said...

Emily,
I don't know why you're involved in my stressful days. . . hmm that is a mystery.

Mandy,
Yeah, it was scary.
It was Wendy Spencer, whom I didn't remember until a little later.
She played volleyball.

The Ellsworths said...

Jessica, wow! I am so glad he (and you) ended up okay.
We miss you guys (and the warm weather)! Say hello to everyone!