Dear Finley,

It must be hard for you to be the third child, harder still to be the third son. You watch your brothers and want to be just like them, to do exactly what they do. Your life has gone by like a whirlwind. I was looking at pictures for each month of your life and I was amazed at how fast you have grown.

You've been cranky the last few days, I'm not sure if it's teething, a cold, or some combination of the two. Yesterday was particularly difficult and I was having a hard time coping with Jaxon, Asher, and you as you all needed my attention while I was cooking dinner. In a very unmotherly moment, I found myself relaxing in front of the computer for a few minutes while you cried outside the door.

It was that kind of day.

So, I shouldn't have been surprised when Daddy came home and you were delighted to see him. Then, when he went back to the car for something he had forgotten, you cried hysterically, like your heart was broken.
Upon his return, he picked you up and you smiled, patted his back, and kicked your little feet in approval.
Seeing you so happy, I joined the hug, but no, you wanted Daddy to yourself so you pushed me away. Then, I gave Daddy a kiss and you looked a little jealous, so you leaned your forehead towards Daddy's face so he would kiss your soft little hairs. This made Daddy and me laugh, so we tried it again. First Daddy and Mommy kissed, then you leaned in to get your own kiss on the forehead. This went on for a while, just so you were sure that Daddy was going to keep holding you and kissing you.

Today at Costco, you littered the ground with pieces of bread like you thought there was a family of ducks that was going to follow us and pick up after you. Instead, Mommy picked up your pieces of bread and used a big one to wipe the snot off your nose. Yuck, I know, I'm not winning any Mommy of the Year awards with that one. Then we sat down to share a churro and blueberries. After eating a few berries, you decided to throw them at my head. Leslie laughed at you, so you kept doing it. Blueberries everywhere. I had to pick those up, too, there were many more than I expected all over the floor.

You and your little attitude, baby. I don't know where you get it, but I really do love you. Today before we went to Costco, I had to wake you up from your nap, but I just couldn't do it. Instead, I just stood there, watching you sleep. You pushed your head up against the crib bumper and you lay on your side and suck your right thumb, with your blankie-bear held tightly in the same hand. You were so peaceful and content. I think a little bit of heaven is in your room while you sleep. I just wanted to pause that moment forever.

So, even though some days are difficult, not just because Asher's potty-training and Jaxon got a red at school yesterday, but because you really need a little more of me than I have available. I really am trying.
I really do love you, and I really am your mommy. Forever.

PS, the photo is from August, but Finn has been drooling a lot, so it's not too much different than these days.

Oh (Birthday) Boy!

Lucky me. Today was Finley's first birthday.
He started out with smiles first thing in the morning. (After I decided to rescue him from crying in his crib just because it was his birthday. Nice, I know.)

A check-up at the doctors (no shots, because who wants shots on their birthday?), then a party at the park, then naps, a quick photo shoot (difficult with two babies and one adult), and a party at home.

Finn wasn't quite sure about the cake. He did end up throwing a piece of cake at my mom. It landed on her cleavage. Awesome.

He loved the book, magnets, shopping cart, bull dozer, and swing he got for his birthday. And he liked the 10 dollar bill Aunt Amy shoved in his sticky little fist. :)

It was fun to see the friends and family who came by to visit. Our love and well wishes go to George who got hurt after falling out of the high chair. Ouch! We hope you feel better soon, George!

A little sad to say goodnight while the party was still rockin', our little Twinkie was pretty tired, so he waved to the crowd.

Overall, a pretty fun birthday for Fin-Fin. Both mommy and Asher got a little carried away with the camera, though.

Oh well, what can you expect from two budding photographers on a really fantastic occasion?

A Rose by Any Other Name . . .

When we named Finley, almost a year ago, we knew that it was rare, but ranked higher for boys than for girls. (If you haven't checked out Name Voyager, you should, it tracks the popularity of names back to the 1800's).

So, we went with the fun name, Finley, because it makes us smile, and so does our little Twinkie.

However, since his birth, we keep hearing about people naming their little GIRLS Finley. First, a girl in the newspaper, then a girl at the gym childcare. Now, Lisa Marie Presley makes it famous by naming her daughter Finley.

For us, we're starting to call him Finn sometimes. It's a cute nickname, not unlike Brad for Bradley or Stan for Stanley. But Finn is a little tricky because it's so short, people don't understand it the first time I say it.

It seems to me that Finley is going the way of Whitney, Courtney, and Leslie: and probably many others. These were boy names that later became girl names so that now only the nickname is masculine. For example, our HS student body president was named Whitney, but he went by "Whit."

Finley's other choice is his middle name, I guess, Cannon. That's a nice name, too.

As a feminist, I'm trying to kick the idea that boys doing "girly" things is somehow bad. It's a misogyny that runs deep in our culture, and it's hard to break. That's why I'm a little conflicted about changing the way we refer to our child based solely on the fact that girls share his name.

What do you think about gendered names?
What do you think this little guy looks like? Finley? Finn? Cannon? Something else?