Dear Finley,

It must be hard for you to be the third child, harder still to be the third son. You watch your brothers and want to be just like them, to do exactly what they do. Your life has gone by like a whirlwind. I was looking at pictures for each month of your life and I was amazed at how fast you have grown.

You've been cranky the last few days, I'm not sure if it's teething, a cold, or some combination of the two. Yesterday was particularly difficult and I was having a hard time coping with Jaxon, Asher, and you as you all needed my attention while I was cooking dinner. In a very unmotherly moment, I found myself relaxing in front of the computer for a few minutes while you cried outside the door.

It was that kind of day.

So, I shouldn't have been surprised when Daddy came home and you were delighted to see him. Then, when he went back to the car for something he had forgotten, you cried hysterically, like your heart was broken.
Upon his return, he picked you up and you smiled, patted his back, and kicked your little feet in approval.
Seeing you so happy, I joined the hug, but no, you wanted Daddy to yourself so you pushed me away. Then, I gave Daddy a kiss and you looked a little jealous, so you leaned your forehead towards Daddy's face so he would kiss your soft little hairs. This made Daddy and me laugh, so we tried it again. First Daddy and Mommy kissed, then you leaned in to get your own kiss on the forehead. This went on for a while, just so you were sure that Daddy was going to keep holding you and kissing you.

Today at Costco, you littered the ground with pieces of bread like you thought there was a family of ducks that was going to follow us and pick up after you. Instead, Mommy picked up your pieces of bread and used a big one to wipe the snot off your nose. Yuck, I know, I'm not winning any Mommy of the Year awards with that one. Then we sat down to share a churro and blueberries. After eating a few berries, you decided to throw them at my head. Leslie laughed at you, so you kept doing it. Blueberries everywhere. I had to pick those up, too, there were many more than I expected all over the floor.

You and your little attitude, baby. I don't know where you get it, but I really do love you. Today before we went to Costco, I had to wake you up from your nap, but I just couldn't do it. Instead, I just stood there, watching you sleep. You pushed your head up against the crib bumper and you lay on your side and suck your right thumb, with your blankie-bear held tightly in the same hand. You were so peaceful and content. I think a little bit of heaven is in your room while you sleep. I just wanted to pause that moment forever.

So, even though some days are difficult, not just because Asher's potty-training and Jaxon got a red at school yesterday, but because you really need a little more of me than I have available. I really am trying.
I really do love you, and I really am your mommy. Forever.

PS, the photo is from August, but Finn has been drooling a lot, so it's not too much different than these days.