I was looking for a photo of me with red hair (October 2004, anyone?) and I came across this.
Jaxon and Baby Asher playing on the couch in early 2006.
I saw this photo and thought, "I loved this! I love being a mom!"
It gives me great hope to know that the dirty diapers and dirty floors, the screaming and fighting, the sleepless nights, and the needs to be held stresses of mothering will someday blend together to a nice fuzzy memory of motherhood.
But, then I remembered a study that shows that children remember more of the bad than the good. For example, some of my strongest childhood memories were about fear or disappoinment (some my parent's fault, and others not).
Thus the irony is that while I drag on day by day in the mire that is motherhood, I will one day have nice fuzzy memories to replace some of the agonizing daily endurances. On the other hand, my children, who live life mostly in ignorant bliss, will have nagging negative memories of childhood (hopefully with a few positive ones).
But perhaps I'm being overdramatic. Maybe there's more of a balance for all of us.
8 comments:
Oh, that is sad and kind of makes me want to throw in the towel!
Maybe it depends on the kid, though. I think I have more good memories than bad ones (my sister, on the other hand, can remember EVERYTHING bad--it's kind of freaky).
This is a thought provoking post. You're good at that though. It is so nice to know that as mothers we are all in this together.... that we all have sleepless nights and cranky kids and messes and diapers and whining... and yet we love and perservere. I too hope that all "those days" grow fuzzy and the more positive ones take over. Then again my oldest sister claims she has no recollection whatsoever of her childhood because she's repressed her memories so well she can't remember the good or the bad. That's sad to me too....don't know which is worse: no memories at all or a little of both the good and the bad.
I'll miss your insights Jess, glad we'll still be bloggin' buddies. :)
This is totally true.
My earliest childhood memory is being forced to eat green beans at a neighbor's house when mom was at the hospital giving birth to Katie. Forced with hating green beans and hating Katie, I chose to hate green beans for the majority of my childhood.
I have, however, recovered and enjoy green beans in all their varieties, except canned.
So, what I'm saying is that they may remember the bad more, but eventually they'll get over it and realize that green beans are good.
EmilyCC,
Yeah, I did warn in the title that it was depressing (perhaps more than slightly).
I am glad to hear that you have happier memories. I have happy ones, too. Perhaps it's all about what we focus on, and teach our children to focus on as well.
Holly,
I do hope we hold on to some of the discouraging mothering days, though. It will help us be more compassionate to young women in our situations as we move into the later stages of life. Only remembering the good will downplay our perception of those struggling with motherhood.
I'll miss you, too. Come back and visit often!
Nate,
It scares me a little that you agree, because I was hoping I was way off base here and I think you're a pretty good judge of insights.
I'm sorry that you were forced to eat green beans when Katie was born. Times of stress certainly burn memories into our heads, don't they? When my little sister was born, I was 10 and I decided to write my will on the way to the hospital. (!?! I know, I was strange)
I am also sorry that you do not liked canned green beans as they are my children's favorite.
I logged on to see if your mouse delivered. In a rush to get in bed... But Asher looks like a mini Larry!!!!! I never saw him as a baby.
Leslie,
You think he looks like Larry?
Maybe you're right. I know he doesn't look at all like Jaxon and Finn, and they look more like my side of the family (my sisters were blonde with blue eyes).
I wish I could see a photo of him as a child.
I never saw Larry as a kid. Only as an adult. I think Baby asher looks like adult Larry as an adult. Back to the blog to see if he look like him still.
Nothing like using up all your blog comment space. Yea, I can see Larry and I can see Nate and Mark. But what do I know? Kids in pictures and real life look different. At least it was true with my kids.
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